RBC: Chapter Eleven.

Looking at the men going out to battle brings him to more guilt and again more covering it up. Each time we see everything he has done can be justified as having a good reason for doing so. This being because he cannot just be okay with taking it that he did run. Instead he builds himself up and makes himself feel better by saying things that may be wrong with him or that it was for the good of others in the end to make it better for him. Henry was greedy and even even pinned himself to be selfish. He always felt low for what had happened. He thought if he saw men retreat from a battle then it would make them no better than he. This way they would be on the same level and he could not feel as bad. They would be equal or "symmetrical". This was always an internal battle Henry had. He wanted that glory, pride, and bravery, but he knew he did not deserve it. The boyhood dream of becoming a hero to many who was looked up to seemed it would not come after all. Henry thought that if the others did end up retreating and ultimately he got his pride back that it would be a life saver. He could then be successful and live up to what he wants. His mind was boggling around these many thoughts, but it almost seemed wrong to him that he want his people to lose. It is like he is signing them off for murder and he was at fault. "A defeat of the army had suggested itself to him as a means of escape from the consequences of his fall" (29). When he came to the conclusion that maybe they would not lose the battle he began to ponder what he was going to use as an excuse now. He could find nothing and so feared his return. He questioned what if they laugh at him for what they had done and what if they decided to keep a special; watch on him. He was worried about these many things and has been for some time.